Post by Brother tOmOs on Apr 21, 2008 1:08:01 GMT -5
I never used to believe in G.O.D., but the other night I was smoking some killer hydroponic skunk bud and all of the sudden the omnipotent master of all creation just appears before me. Needless to say, I was somewhat skeptical this was really G.O.D. standing before me, and not just some acid flashback triggered by the half smoked spliff I was holding. I suggested that he prove his identity by making 5,000 pounds of the best pot in the universe appear in my basement. With a wave of his hand, he made my request a reality. Still not convinced, I suggested that another 5,000 pounds just might do the trick. He promptly made it appear (the sucker). I must admit, I then knew I was really talking to G.O.D.. Below you'll find the transcript of that conversation. (For those who care, G.O.D. does not look like George Burns. He told me he can appear in any form, but when I talked to him he looked like an uptight, preppy dickhead. Figures.)
G.O.D.: Why have you forsaken me my son?
Sickopath: Well, considering the fact that up until 5 minutes ago I didn't even believe you existed, I really wouldn't say I've forsaken you. I mean, shit man, it ain't like you're the most talkative dude in the universe. How the hell do you expect anyone to take you seriously if you don't even offer any proof of your existence? It seems to me, if anyone has forsaken anyone here, it's YOU who've forsaken ME!
G.O.D.: I have given you the holy scriptures so that you may know my name and my plans...
Sickopath: Oh great, yeah, some 2000 year old book is really sufficient proof that you exist. Tell me another one. That long-winded tome filled with the ramblings of a self loathing, enslaved people only proves that when one has exhausted all hope of a good life, they console themselves with the fantasy that a better existence awaits them after death. Personally, I don't think I've ever read a more self-serving, "Revenge of the Nerds" type story in my entire life. The whole theme of "the meek shall inherit the earth" is just wishful thinking. The Bible's authors knew damn well that they were all just a bunch of pussy-wimps without any hope of ever having the strength to over-throw their oppressors. So they invent a religion where losers like them are the ones that G.O.D. favors. This being exactly what the people want to hear, they all embrace it. Having bullshited themselves into thinking some "G.O.D." will do for them what they can't do for themselves, they are at least able to sleep at night. It's nothing but a bunch of metaphysical masturbation, and is clearly no proof of your existence.
G.O.D.: You only see what you want to see.
Sickopath: That's not really true. I don't recall asking to see YOU, and yet, there you are, sitting in my favorite chair. Hey, wait a minute, get the hell outta my chair! Nobody sits in my chair but me! Here, you can sit on this folding chair. It's a little wobbly, but it's better that a swift kick in the ass. Anyway, what about all the other religions out there? They all have their own little books, which all claim that their religion is the truth. Why do you allow so many different religions to flourish, knowing that only one of them will lead to salvation? Can you really expect someone who has never seen a Bible to follow it's rules if they don't even know they exist? It's bad enough that you don't bother to convince atheists of your existence. But then you go so far as to allow people who believe in you to follow a false set of guidelines, which they believe is what you want, only to damn them for their efforts.
G.O.D.: They have all been deceived by the devil.
Sickopath: Oh don't gimmie that crap! I find it hard to believe that the devil really has nothing better to do than to fool a bunch of brown people into believing that wearing a towel on one's head will get one into heaven. And even if that IS what he's into, it's only because you allow him to get away with it that he's able to do it. The devil is only doing what comes naturally to him. You, as the creator of the entire universe, are directly responsible for the formation of his nature. How can a being who claims to love humans allow them to fall prey to such a predator? Even the lion protects it's cubs from the danger of other predators. They will fight to the death to keep them away. And yet you allow the devil to get so close to your flock that many fall victim to his entrapments. If a savage killer such as a lion cares for it's offspring more than G.O.D. does for his creations, what does that say about the true temperament of this deity?
G.O.D.: I so loved the world that I gave my only begotten son so that man could have eternal life.
Sickopath: Oh don't feed me that tired old line of meaningless bullshit. You resurrected the little bastard 3 days after he was killed! You didn't really give anything up. Had he remained forever dead, with no consciousness whatsoever, that would have been a REAL sacrifice. His death was nothing but a stage show to pump up the resolve of his followers. People love a martyr. Of course, martyrs usually stay dead, which makes their sacrifice so impressive. Jesus didn't stand to lose anything because he knew he'd be brought back to life. So what's the big fucking deal? But let's just assume for a minute that it was a legitimate sacrifice. How does it benefit man? How is that act supposed to forgive the sins of man? The whole concept of sin is so stupid in the first place. If something that a human can do offends you so much that you're willing to torture them for all eternity, why do you even make it possible for such an offense to occur? If something bothered me that much, I'd make sure to eliminate any chance it ever happened at all.
G.O.D.: I gave man free will to choose his own path.
Sickopath: You lie! Man has very little choice in this matter. As man's creator, you implant in him the desire to commit sin, then get pissed off when he does! Well, just what the hell did you expect him to do? A real choice is something along the lines of, "What do you want for a snack, cake or pie?". Both options end in equal results- a yummy snack. The choice you offer man is no real choice at all, it's an ultimatum. You force man to deny his own nature, the nature you created, in order to please your own twisted sense of right and wrong. That's not freedom, that's oppression of the ultimate form. You're such an asshole!
G.O.D.: Well, I um, er, that is to say, I ah...
Sickopath: Yeah, that's what I thought. You're just as dumb as the people who follow you. Once your lies are exposed, you turn into the blithering idiot you really are. Go fuck yourself G.O.D., I'm sure nobody else would want to. Get up and get your cheap ass out of my house. You've wasted far too much of my time already. And I'm keeping the weed, you dumb cunt.
Credits go to friend "The Sickopath" at www.Sickopath.com
G.O.D.: Why have you forsaken me my son?
Sickopath: Well, considering the fact that up until 5 minutes ago I didn't even believe you existed, I really wouldn't say I've forsaken you. I mean, shit man, it ain't like you're the most talkative dude in the universe. How the hell do you expect anyone to take you seriously if you don't even offer any proof of your existence? It seems to me, if anyone has forsaken anyone here, it's YOU who've forsaken ME!
G.O.D.: I have given you the holy scriptures so that you may know my name and my plans...
Sickopath: Oh great, yeah, some 2000 year old book is really sufficient proof that you exist. Tell me another one. That long-winded tome filled with the ramblings of a self loathing, enslaved people only proves that when one has exhausted all hope of a good life, they console themselves with the fantasy that a better existence awaits them after death. Personally, I don't think I've ever read a more self-serving, "Revenge of the Nerds" type story in my entire life. The whole theme of "the meek shall inherit the earth" is just wishful thinking. The Bible's authors knew damn well that they were all just a bunch of pussy-wimps without any hope of ever having the strength to over-throw their oppressors. So they invent a religion where losers like them are the ones that G.O.D. favors. This being exactly what the people want to hear, they all embrace it. Having bullshited themselves into thinking some "G.O.D." will do for them what they can't do for themselves, they are at least able to sleep at night. It's nothing but a bunch of metaphysical masturbation, and is clearly no proof of your existence.
G.O.D.: You only see what you want to see.
Sickopath: That's not really true. I don't recall asking to see YOU, and yet, there you are, sitting in my favorite chair. Hey, wait a minute, get the hell outta my chair! Nobody sits in my chair but me! Here, you can sit on this folding chair. It's a little wobbly, but it's better that a swift kick in the ass. Anyway, what about all the other religions out there? They all have their own little books, which all claim that their religion is the truth. Why do you allow so many different religions to flourish, knowing that only one of them will lead to salvation? Can you really expect someone who has never seen a Bible to follow it's rules if they don't even know they exist? It's bad enough that you don't bother to convince atheists of your existence. But then you go so far as to allow people who believe in you to follow a false set of guidelines, which they believe is what you want, only to damn them for their efforts.
G.O.D.: They have all been deceived by the devil.
Sickopath: Oh don't gimmie that crap! I find it hard to believe that the devil really has nothing better to do than to fool a bunch of brown people into believing that wearing a towel on one's head will get one into heaven. And even if that IS what he's into, it's only because you allow him to get away with it that he's able to do it. The devil is only doing what comes naturally to him. You, as the creator of the entire universe, are directly responsible for the formation of his nature. How can a being who claims to love humans allow them to fall prey to such a predator? Even the lion protects it's cubs from the danger of other predators. They will fight to the death to keep them away. And yet you allow the devil to get so close to your flock that many fall victim to his entrapments. If a savage killer such as a lion cares for it's offspring more than G.O.D. does for his creations, what does that say about the true temperament of this deity?
G.O.D.: I so loved the world that I gave my only begotten son so that man could have eternal life.
Sickopath: Oh don't feed me that tired old line of meaningless bullshit. You resurrected the little bastard 3 days after he was killed! You didn't really give anything up. Had he remained forever dead, with no consciousness whatsoever, that would have been a REAL sacrifice. His death was nothing but a stage show to pump up the resolve of his followers. People love a martyr. Of course, martyrs usually stay dead, which makes their sacrifice so impressive. Jesus didn't stand to lose anything because he knew he'd be brought back to life. So what's the big fucking deal? But let's just assume for a minute that it was a legitimate sacrifice. How does it benefit man? How is that act supposed to forgive the sins of man? The whole concept of sin is so stupid in the first place. If something that a human can do offends you so much that you're willing to torture them for all eternity, why do you even make it possible for such an offense to occur? If something bothered me that much, I'd make sure to eliminate any chance it ever happened at all.
G.O.D.: I gave man free will to choose his own path.
Sickopath: You lie! Man has very little choice in this matter. As man's creator, you implant in him the desire to commit sin, then get pissed off when he does! Well, just what the hell did you expect him to do? A real choice is something along the lines of, "What do you want for a snack, cake or pie?". Both options end in equal results- a yummy snack. The choice you offer man is no real choice at all, it's an ultimatum. You force man to deny his own nature, the nature you created, in order to please your own twisted sense of right and wrong. That's not freedom, that's oppression of the ultimate form. You're such an asshole!
G.O.D.: Well, I um, er, that is to say, I ah...
Sickopath: Yeah, that's what I thought. You're just as dumb as the people who follow you. Once your lies are exposed, you turn into the blithering idiot you really are. Go fuck yourself G.O.D., I'm sure nobody else would want to. Get up and get your cheap ass out of my house. You've wasted far too much of my time already. And I'm keeping the weed, you dumb cunt.
Credits go to friend "The Sickopath" at www.Sickopath.com